Fathers Day 2014
December 16, 2014
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” – Tim Russert
Last month, I had lunch with a man who had been recently released from federal prison. Rather than call him by his real name, let’s refer to him by his prison nickname, “City.” He is a 43 year old African American from the rough streets of Chicago. “City” happened to also be an upper-echelon leader in a prominent prison gang. He had spent the last decade incarcerated for drug trafficking. Our paths had crossed because of a mutual friend, Leonard. Leonard is a dear friend of mine in his 70’s. “City” is smart and possesses a warm and genuine personality. Youthful in his curiosity to learn and an eagerness to please our mutual friend, Leonard. Leonard had also become a mentor to “City.” It didn’t take very long for me to recognize a father-son type of bond between these two men.
As time passed during lunch, my interest was piqued. I asked “City” about his background, specifically his youth. His story, though unique to him, is not, unfortunately, unique to our modern society. “City” grew up in a single-parent home and raised by his grandmother. His home was a government-funded apartment located in the “projects” of Chicago. His father had abandoned the family when “City’s” mother became pregnant.
The daily trauma of violence, shootings, rapes, drugs, and bloodshed inoculated the boy from developing the normal and traditional underpinnings of a more stable, modern family in America. Yet, “City” knew deep down inside that there had to be a better life…somewhere out there. As a young teenager, he turned to the local gangs for protection. Those same gangs quickly introduced him to the drug culture. He told me that just in his one apartment building where he lived, over $100,000 of drugs were sold daily!
The money he soon earned by selling drugs allowed him to purchase his grandmother a house far away from the projects. The gentle woman did her best to rear him as her son, but like so many millions of those living in poverty, the “streets” became his family. He quickly moved up the ranks but eventually, “City” was busted by Federal Agents for conspiracy and drug trafficking.
Leonard happened to be visiting another friend in prison when he was introduced to “City.” Over time, they became friends and Leonard would become his mentor. Once “City” was released from prison, the bond he had shared with Leonard was strong. Leonard had assured “City” that as long as he did his time and kept his nose clean, he would help him with education and a job. Every day, “City” reads out loud to Leonard to practice his English, vocabulary, and reading skills. “City” is aspiring to learn an honest trade and Leonard is eagerly helping.
I chose to relate this story for Fathers’ Day for many reasons:
1. The journey from immature boy to mature manhood is nearly impossible without the aid of a strong father or father figure. Regardless of the modernity of the culture or the politically correct view, Dad’s are as much needed today as they have ever been, perhaps even more. Both sons and daughters need the example of a strong loving father who supports them, spends time with them, and gives them unconditional love and direction.
2. Those with dads who played the “father” role reasonably well need to express their true gratitude to their fathers on Fathers’ Day and throughout the year.
3. Fathers are not the buffoons that the press, the comedians, Hollywood or the male-bashers make them out to be. Flawless? Of course not! But, oh, so very needed!
4. Fathers and fatherhood need to be exalted in this land of gender-neutrality and in this land of moral-laxity. Fatherhood is not the ability to sire offspring; it is the responsibility to nurture, love, and be the role-model for those children. The motto is not, “Love ’em and leave ‘em,” but rather, “love ’em and lead ‘em!”
5. In spite of all the talk of the traditional home being out of fashion, there is no substitute for fathers, mothers, and children living together and independent of others. The family with good parents still provide the best and most stable opportunities for children to reach their true potential in a safe environment. Instead of trying to rationalize moving away from the traditional home, society should be striving to strengthen it and restore its values and virtues.
6. Honoring the father and mother is still excellent advice and a good means of a long, productive, and happier life.
7. To those without a proper father, lay the proper foundation in your generation as “City” is trying to do in his. In his own words, “I don’t have to force my kids to grow up without me. It’s my choice if they have a real father.” Good for you, “City!”
8. Someone once said that we only measure the height of a tree after it has fallen. Don’t wait to lose your Dad to measure the influence he’s had on you and others! A father plays many roles. Even a mediocre father might have been an excellent worker, provider, and friend. Look at the whole picture of the man to measure his value.
Finally, Dad deserves a nice gift, but the best gifts are usually words and time. Take a long moment to write down good words from your heart to give to your father on this Fathers’ Day. And for those whose fathers have departed, the highest compliment you can give him is to train up your children to be as thoughtful and respectful as your father taught you to be!
To my dad on this Father’s Day – “I love you, Dad! Thank you!”
