It’s Like Hugging a Cactus!

December 16, 2014

Author Laurence Gonzales writes, “Everyone who dies out there dies of confusion. To survive, you must find yourself. Then it won’t matter where you are“. Gonzales was writing about surviving when one is lost in the woods/wilderness. But the man who abandons his family to pursue a fling or abandons his career because of anger or bitterness towards the boss or his co-workers is also “lost.” So is the entrepreneur whose vision has taken him far into the woods of financial debt or managing staff and employees and placating nervous investors.

When we feel that prickly gut-sensation that we are where we’ve never been and do not know how to navigate to our destination or back to where we felt safe, we begin to thrash. A person lost in the woods may stumble around blindly, trying to remember a familiar landmark, but the trees all look alike. The disorientation gives rise to panic. “Research,” says Gonzales, “suggests 5 general stages a person goes through when lost”:

1. Denial – We simply can’t imagine that we don’t know how to go from point “A” to point “B.” Whether it is geographically, morally, ethically, maritally, or financially.

2. Frantic Urgency – This is when we are most dangerous to ourselves and others. In life guarding, we were taught that drowning victims will grab anything near them and try to stand on top of their rescuers, thus drowning both themselves and their rescuer. This is often when we run in blind panic, usually into deeper trouble.

3. Misguided Strategy – After exhaustion or injury, the emotions develop a quick and improper plan to get back to safety. The plan won’t work because it assumes we know where we are and what we must do to get out of trouble; but we don’t! Our mental compass is confused and we make further poor decisions.

4. Further Deterioration – this happens mentally and emotionally as the plan fails to produce.

5. Resignation to the situation – This is where one either succumbs to the injuries or settles down to “find himself” and develop a realistic game plan.

These 5 stages happen to businesses. Circuit City lost its way and died before it got out. Xerox lost its way in the 70’s and 80’s and never has come out of the woods yet. Target got lost in the woods last year with the massive identity theft. They formulated a recovery plan, but they’re still in the woods. JC Penney got terribly lost in the past several years, but seems to have discovered a survival plan and may emerge from the wilderness soon.

It is so easy to become lost. Inattention to changing markets, neglect of a beautiful marriage, focusing on the vision of trendy new ideas while failing to notice a wobbly bottom line…. the ensuing panic or malaise speaks to our denial or thrashing.

As Gonzales says, “that final stage in the person of being lost can prove to be either a beginning or an end. Some give up and die. Others stop denying and begin surviving“.

There is but one choice, to embrace one’s new normal regardless of how prickly and move forward. The thought of embracing one’s present situation may be as desirable as hugging a cactus, but if the choice is to hug the cactus or fall over the 2,000 foot cliff onto the rocks below; well, suddenly the cactus can look quite attractive. Smart doctors and pretty nurses can help you pull out the cactus thorns later, but all the kings horses and all the kings men can’t put you back together again from that fall.

Let’s recap: