New Year’s Anniversary!
January 11, 2015
New Year’s Day is my anniversary. Though my time and attention are definitely and obviously focused on my gorgeous wife, I had some reflections I wanted to share with my friends as I ponder this special day.
In my real estate book, “The Boom After the Bubble”, (available on this website) I tell the story of losing my business and my first wife. Who cleaned out all my assets and left me as poor and nearly as naked as a newborn child. That is pretty much how I re-started. Rebecca is now my wife. My college sweetheart. Yes, I should have married her out of college but we both got busy chasing careers. Well, now here we are, together and insanely happy. Sort of like, well, two college kids who rediscovered each other. As I was reliving our personal journey back to each other after the losses and heartaches and what I have learned, I felt there could be helpful insights to many of you. Many of you who may be fighting your own personal struggles.
One thing I learned is that one thing in life is certain: uncertainty; that the only thing that doesn’t change is ….change. None of us get through life unscathed without a few bruises, scars and hard-knock lessons we’ve learned. So, being overly dramatic or overly upset that life has handed you a bowl of lemons isn’t necessary; It’s to be expected. When we anticipate life, we never include in our daydreams the messes, the scandals, the losses, the profound hurt…but that is what makes up a whole lot of real living.
It’s what one DOES with the messes, the losses, that determines if the positive part of the daydreams materialize. We have a friend who married a man with the surname of lemon. The wife cross-stitched the motto: “When life hands you a lemon, learn how to make lemonade.” And that’s the whole of life. There is just too many circumstances one cannot control, but we can control our reactions.
I shed many tears over my losses. And all the usual negative thoughts attacked my mind and took up residence in my thinking for too long. Then…… lemonade. I am totally jazzed with Rebecca. She’s beautiful, fun, totally on the same page with me. My real estate business is branching out and flourishing in many new ventures I never thought of before. Life is uncertain, but restarts and second chances are like bringing a new child into the world.
Another dear couple of ours lost a child shortly after the birth… it was devastating on them. Two years later, they gave birth to another child, healthy and doing well. The new child does not replace the lost child, but it gives hope and a whole new set of emotions and experiences not expected but totally enjoyed. And restarts are like that…. like a new birth…full of experiences one could not have anticipated, but so very enjoyable.
Another thought I had reflecting on my anniversary: there are loved ones and friends who will run away when the dung hits the fan. And….there are very special people who step in to the mess when everyone else is beating a path to the door. When I went through my losses, I though of the terrorist attacks of 9-11, when the Twin Towers toppled and masses of people were running out and away for their lives, while hundreds of New York’s finest were rushing in to help those trapped.
Yes, it hurts terribly to experience the loss of close friends and family who bail when the bottom falls out but there is nothing quite as wonderful as finding out those who are truly friends and those who rush in to help and to love. Then too, I thought of what I wrote in my Christmas blog: that Christmas can be celebrated 365 days a year. This anniversary, it’s not one day to celebrate our love or to buy a gift or to spend extra time together. No, we can have that 365 days a year. This anniversary day is much more. It is the celebration of life. Of all that has been good brought to me by this one person. It is the celebration of the power of good decisions, the power of commitment, the power of good partnership and teamwork.
My marriage to Rebecca is the extension of my life. WE are a team , a partnership, and life is exponentially better because of her. Not just today, but every day. She is my sounding board, my counselor, my blind-spot seer, my chief of staff, my agent and trusted adviser…and of course, my intimate companion who has already loved me when I was a mess….but now celebrates with me in our successes as well.
Certainly I don’t wish for any of you to fail in this new year or in your marriages or business, but for those of you who couldn’t wait for 2014 to end because it was a disaster for you, I say, “You have not seen the other side of the storm…what can and will be waiting for you.” There’s a proverb that goes, “Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy.” And that is what I wish for you this year: joy…like you’ve never known.
And for those who can identify with my thoughts here, I’d like to hear from you. I can testify that every storm eventually runs out of rain; the rainbow will appear, and there is something even better than a pot of gold at the end of it: there is wisdom, honesty, real love, and a life so very worth living. Happy New Year to all of my readers, and Happy Anniversary to my beloved wife Rebecca! I’m the luckiest man alive!
